SINGING TO THE WALL

I've been reading Vikki Burke's new book, "Some Days You Dance" , and can hardly put it down.  In the first chapter she tells the story of her friend's little granddaughter who had always been so happy to sing and dance for anyone who asked .. most of the time she didn't even need to be asked to perform.  She was always glad to oblige with joyous abandon.  Then at a family gathering, her grandmother asked her to sing the newest song she had learned and the girl hung her head shyly and refused!  After much coaxing and pleading, she finally agreed to sing only for her grandmother, in another room away from the rest of the family.  In a room down the hall, with the door closed, she turned her back to her grandmother and, facing the wall, sang her song in a very soft voice.  At some point since the last family get-together, she had lost that freedom to just do what had always come so naturally for her .. to use the gifts and talents she had been given without worrying about making a mistake, or what others might think of her.  Meanwhile, in the other room, her three-year-old cousin was happily entertaining the family with her own God-given gifts in complete abandon.

This made me wonder ... when did I start singing to the wall?

What was it that stole my freedom to follow my natural inclination to sing .. to speak into the lives of others with confidence .. to teach .. to write .. to make a difference? 

I made a mistake.
I saw someone who was more accomplished than me.
Someone laughed at me.
Someone told me I couldn't do it ... and I believed them.

I'm a Life Coach, so I do speak into people's lives .. I minister .. I write (OK .. I'm not prolific but I'm working on that) .. I even sing .. I make a difference.  But not with the total abandon, confidence, joy and freedom that God intended when He created His plan for my life.

I've been singing to the wall. 

I have had to plow through past hurts, mistakes, disappointments and self-doubt .. all "weeds" that slowly choked out my joy, purpose and freedom .. but I'm learning to remind myself that,

 "..there is no accusing voice nagging those who are united to Jesus Christ,

that is those whose lives are directed by the Spirit

rather than by old attitudes and patterns"

(Romans 8:1 BCJ).

 

It's not been an overnight transformation .. it's taking hard work, determination and immersing myself in the Word to get rid of those "nagging voices" and "old attitudes and patterns."  It's a journey .. one that is teaching me to live my life with purpose and joy!